Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
