Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
