hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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