Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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