my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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