I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
