you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
