yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
