I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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