I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
