I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
