I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
