Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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