I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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