party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
