tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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