I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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