I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
