Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
