Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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