So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
