My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
