I'm jealous of your bromance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
