dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
