I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
