Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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