Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
