is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
