we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
