If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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