We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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