I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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