there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
