Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
