I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
