its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
