He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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