I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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