Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
