WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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