I puked a lego.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
