I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
