When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
