My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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