In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
