drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
