That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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