i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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