I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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