i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
