she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
