The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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