Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ruined the universe
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